The thing about starting over is having faith and not caring about what’s next. I am starting to notice everything is just on one coin just two different sides and the real test of intelligence is knowing when to flip to the right side. Discernment is everything, Sometimes I see myself getting caught up in my troubles and my wants and desires, and have to step out of that. I am going to try to lighten my burdens and try this life thing one day at a time, but the goal now is to look good and feel good. Like I said before I wont let this world let me be or feel defeated. I give myself a clean slate to refresh and rejuvenate. I want to become more active and be hyper-vigilant about my vanity and health. I want to work hard at work and continue to learn and grow in my creative and technical areas. I also want to have a good time.I want to work hard and play hard. I don’t know what that looks like yet but I am going to be spending my time figuring that out.
Coming Full Circle
Leaving the Sahbabii concert, I left in the same rugby and golden goose outfit that I wore to the Rolling Loud festival in LA. It felt like a full circle, a closure moment of my old life, which I acknowledge was miserable, I also mourned my old goals and expectations because they no longer serve me. I must build my agility now. As I sat as a 24-year-old last year, stressed, broke, and burned out, with grey hairs coming out of my head, time went fast, I had to decide the lifestyle I wanted with urgency, I am young so I got to experiment but I have to have a time limit and start being more serious about my trajectory. When I went to Rolling Loud I was excited I was escaping this work-hard lifestyle up here in Massachusetts and the troubles I got myself into, but when I got there I was met with disappointment and more loneliness. I don’t mind being alone, I actually quite love it but the unexpectedness and the type of event I was at didn’t call for it so it was disappointing. This year at Sahbabii, I intentionally went alone, with the same outfit and had a ball. I noticed to exist is to take up space and that comes with conflict, so don’t avoid conflict and have good conflict management skills. I can have a good time alone, without liquor, and I am really the fucking shit. I am a fucking vibe, on the train ride back it felt like a coming full circle, ending the cycle closure moment. I even cried on the way back about how existing and enjoyment is something that shouldn’t be so hard to do, it feels like the world is missing a lot of authenticity and real-life excitement these days. Everyone, take up fucking space and be your minister of enjoyment !!! These energy vampires cant copy that.
