“Envy is ignorance, Imitation is Suicide.” Emerson.
I just remembered how good the book Self-Reliance by Emerson was, it helped change the trajectory of my summer in 2021. I remember this quote, not word for word, but to paraphrase it spoke about friendships/relationships and the need for mutual interest, and emerson discussed the idea of the thought process of “If it would’ve happened it would” the idea of mutual interest being the reason for things happening and if it doesn’t;t happen it wasn’t a mutual interest” Detachment, releasing things, this quotes bring you back to your center and away from the material of the real-world and ego. I don’t possess people, I get to experience them if they let me, and if I don’t get to experience them, it wasn’t in the cards. That stuck with me, it reminds me of the desires being the root of all suffering quote in W&P (Tolstoy), the paradigm of always wanting and yearning, it creates an environment of being comfortable with pain and suffering (unconditionally). In some way (Adlerian Theory), I wanted my own pain, I loathed my life, and I hate myself. I thought everything outside of myself would fix me, so I chose pain and yearning to show how much I despised the life I was living. I don’t want to live like that anymore at all. I want a good and intentional life, so I have to pivot; I need to have a new mindset and lifestyle. Instead of looking for voids to fill, I will strengthen my backbone. Indulge in my interest, and immerse myself in the support of the unconditional love I have for myself. I become like a tree that is magnificent, gigantic, and stoic, as things come and go, I still stand virtuous, satisfied, and unmoved by the ever-changing environment around me. All in all, I find some grounding. The complex question now is, like I mentioned in previous blogs, the swinging pendulum, the different side of the same coin, is this virtue a permanent regimen, or is it seasonal? Like the sides of a coin, one can get the same value of knowledge in following desires and expenditure. My purpose may just lie in the fucking around and finding out portion. Right now, tho, after a couple of things I acquire, I might go into a stoic season to gain more peace and reduce stress in my life. I have been getting better at losing my interest in unavailable people, I want to lose the interest in getting attention from strangers online, and also the need to constantly want to be in pleasure mode. This will take time, but I think there could be some value here further down the line.
Letting Go
Before going to the spa this week, I had a package that was supposed to be delivered, a pair of camo pants, and it was posted as delivered. I didn’t receive the package. I think somebody stole it. I was so excited for my spa day, but this one little inconvenience almost ruined it. I noticed that i wasn’t able to control the situation, so I couldn’t worry about it too much. I acknowledge my feelings of being disappointed and annoyed, but I tried not to let it consume me. It isn’t easy but I reminded myself that I was better off letting go of the burden of the disappointment to enjoy the excitement of the spa day that was ahead. I know it is easy to consume and receive things in a negative way because the negative things are always the most alarming, but I noticed that just as much as we think about the negative, it is imperative to the wellness of our well-being to look out for the good and positive as well. I was able to scale my level of frustration down to a 2-3, making it a minimal infringement and not something worth consuming the temperature of my attitude that day. I looked at what I could control and handled it, and the feelings did linger, but I had to remind myself and be intentional/hypervigilant at wanting to be at peace more than wanting those camom pants. This is a virtue I need to keep practicing, proactivity is good because it keeps me self reliant and solution-based.This keeps me accountable and also makes me the creator of my own reality.
