Chancys Code

One day, a first-class full-access world pass to globe-trotting ticket will be rendered mine. Today we void trot. I sit in the uncomfortable feeling of all things unresolved. I hate Twitter right now. Why is it so negative? I know, the world is collapsing right in front of us. Our generation is reaping the benefits of Reagan-ism. Social mobility is a fallacy. The idea of ownership has been substituted with subscriptions. This current climate feels like purgatory for those who were raised to believe in a merit-based society. I understand, and I empathise with my peers. Our complaints are heard but just echoed in the abyss. I don’t like how Twitter’s algorithm floods my feed with confirmation bias in our doomsday era. I want to be solution-focused. When I was reading War and Peace, a book that I need to finish, but one of the princesses described desire as the reason for all our suffering, and it stuck with me. The more I want out of this life, the more discontent and unease I feel. The remedy? Self-compassion and love. This is the idea I struggle with the most. When most of my value is tied down to my productivity, accomplishments, looks, and results, it feels like a never-ending void. Life becomes a phenomenon that tells you to count until the very last number in our numerical order, and then you’ll find success. Impossible. In this moment, I want to work on having more mental strength, showing myself some love and compassion, and cherishing the present. So I call this era in my life void-trotting. I will sit and find comfort in my flaws and unaccomplished goals, I will humanise my efforts to succeed, and romanticise every bit of it. Easier said than done. I know that maybe a year from now this unbearable moment might be nostalgic, maybe life doesn’t get any better, but I have it right now. I want to cherish these moments, and all of their flaws. As I reflect on November in my two-week depression, and my attempt to overcome said depression. I noticed that combat against depression isn’t a fight; it becomes a lifestyle. I recognised the patterns of continuous suffering because of my focus on the void. I focused on everything I didn’t have from money, freedom, friends, clothes, status, etc. That focus was the theft of my joy. This year, I changed that focus. I fought for my life to get to a good place. The reason I was able to get out of my depression was because of the lifestyle changes I implemented when I was in a good place. Those lifestyle changes are things that I am going to have to stay committed to. Becoming active and engaging in physical activity, making time for friends, taking myself to the beach, sunbathing, reading and writing, and having things to look forward to. Reducing my alcohol and marijuana intake. These lifestyle commitment brings me to feeling more successful than the status, money, and fame that I haven’t reached yet. I am working on the compassion and self-love part. The key factor in all of this is pouring into myself in a balanced and healthy manner. I don’t know where my ambition will take me, but I do know that having a healthier relationship with body, mind, and soul will be the foundation of my trajectory. i will also learn how to be able to be comfortable in the uncomfortable, not only in being unaccomplished but also in taking risks. The key to it all is discernment and focus; I need to be able to recognise when things don’t serve me well. Like negative thinking, anti-social behaviour, not speaking up for myself, and not taking risks. This isn’t just a lifelong journey for success; it is also a journey for enlightenment.